Plot twist….
I thought I was coming for the beautiful places, and exploring nature. (I mean, that was still true)…
But it was starting to seem that my journey was even more about the people I was connecting with.
Over and over again, I found myself enjoying and amazed at the warmth and depth of the people I met. Was it that my introvert self was just out of my comfort zone? Or was it about the incredible people here?
Holiday Weekend
And then, it was a holiday weekend… and the there was gonna be a full house, with kite surfer enthusiasts from Bogota pouring in.
Everyone seemed to know everyone. At dinner we sat literally shoulder to shoulder, packed in tightly. Conversations in Spanish were loud, enthusiastic, and multiple at once – and happening way too fast for me to follow. As much as I wanted to be present, I felt myself disconnecting and swirling inward, in a familiar pattern.
The introversion wasn’t new, but not being able to join in the rapid conversations, unable to follow most of these streams of energy and words, in such a connected culture with little personal space, and multitudes of conversations happening at once took it to another level. My nervous system was overloaded with trying to keep up. Feeling simultaneously too close and far away.
Surrounded by conversations but not able to participate, I felt all the old judgement towards myself triggered…. old stories of being “too quiet”.
And a lifetime’s worth of feeling different. And weird.
All the Feelings
I breathed through the feelings. I’d done some amazing transformation over the recent years. I could face anything, now.
Most everyone was gonna be spending the gorgeous days kite surfing. I was creating a new online course that I was super excited about finishing… was it weird that I really just wanted to work on it most all weekend?
It was looking like I’d be working while everyone else was playing… another old story that made me different.
Images and memories of 7th grade came flooding back – which was when I first became painfully aware that being too smart made me weird, and was not a good thing.
Before then, I was oblivious…. mostly lost in my books. But in 7th grade it suddenly became really obvious that the other girls deeply disliked me, making fun of me at every chance for my perfect test scores. (Until they needed tutoring to pass a test…. then, they’d secretly come to me and ask for help).
Those memories had always been too painful to think about, but now I found all of the “not fitting in” feelings right in my face.
Breathing through the days, now, and taking in the beauty that surrounded me, knowing how much I’d already transformed, safe somehow in the adventure and unknown of an unfamiliar place… for the first time 7th grade wasn’t painful to remember.
What if I was fine, being different.
What if I’d always been fine and there was nothing wrong with me, then, or now.
All the Holidays
Colombians have lots of holidays. And the next weekend was another holiday weekend, and another full house of more kite surfers.
But, it was a different crowd. A little older…. and (very) slightly quieter.
A yoga teacher was visiting for the weekend, and offering classes. I took a class on the deck, overlooking the lake. I followed along in the class, which was taught in Spanish. I understood less than half of the directions…. but my body knew yoga and knew what to do, and I found I could move through the class easily.
Poses were the same in any language. The rhythm of movement was the same.
“Inhala”
“Exhala”
… I lay on my back in Shavasana, looking at the clouds.
Still More Holidays
At dinner we were celebrating two birthdays. People loved ChivorKite, and it was the kind of place they’d come to celebrate their birthday and go kitesurfing.
We celebrated with chocolate cake and singing, as random fireworks suddenly went off across the lake at just the perfect moment. (The little town of Macanal, perched across the lake, seemed to be constantly celebrating something with fireworks).
I chatted with my new friends, in English. Ana Maria had lived in the US for twenty years and just moved back to Bogota, and we spent hours discussing places and people all over the US.
They told me about Colombian Christmas and New Years, laughing at their endless traditions. And at ALL the holidays.
But, endless holidays here made sense, to me. It matched the vibrancy of the spirit I was feeling from them.
They gave me recommendations of all places I needed to go, in Colombia and all through South America. They wanted to be sure I had the most amazing time.
Questions
And, of course they wanted to know…..
what brought me here?
what prompted this whole journey?
was it everything I expected?
Maybe because it felt like a relief to be understood, the words poured out. These women felt like old friends. Time was standing still again, as we talked into the night.
Again, I wondered: was it me being out of my space, not speaking the language, that changed everything? Or just the profound warmth and depth and spirit of these incredible people?
It’s more than friendliness. It’s something deeper, a feeling and a vibe. It changes the atmosphere in the room so that time stands still while sitting over dinner and talking, and you can’t NOT feel deeply connected.
There was a richness of spirit here. The drinking in deeply of meals, life, connection. The grand and bold celebrations and traditions, the love that was so palpable.
“…so, where’s your favorite place??” my new friends were asking. “Colombia has to be your favorite.”
“Fine, you can go travel all over…. but Colombia HAS to be your favorite.”
We were celebrating Ana Maria’s 40th birthday. She put on her crown.
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